Saturday, October 3, 2009

Fall, Fall, Fall...I Love Fall.

Okay, I love the season of Fall. I have fond memories of raking leaves all day, drinking apple cider, carving pumpkins, the wind blowing on my face while chasing seagulls on the beach, and just feeling good, really good.

I know I have not written in a LONG time. I would have to say that life has been full of transitions-lots of transitions, circumstances, bumps, detours, etc. All of these include health challenges, new jobs, new friendships and communities, conversations, dreams, and many other amazing learning opportunities.

In this time of transition, I have been learning a lot about myself and taking the idea of introspection to heart. Looking within can be sometimes the scariest and most valuable skill we possess as humans. I have been working with emotions in terms of how they link to my physical well-being. This has been a very in depth journey including experiencing pain, sadness, fear, rage, anxiety, jealousy, etc.

What I have taken away from this is the ability to stay present as the witness to my experience both physically and emotionally with these emotions. There is a saying that I use a lot with my past inability to process my emotions-especially those that are termed "negative" in the culture we live in. That saying is "That's okay-don't deal with it-just keep pushing it down past the cancer tumor."

Well, my tumor could not take it anymore and it showed up as 3 significant ovarian cysts sitting on my right ovary. I have known that they have been there for awhile and just recently as summer ended and fall was upon us, my ovary said "Stop!" I had to face the music. I ended up in the ER for a day pumped up with painkillers, then in bed for 4 days. I was scheduled for surgery and then had a powerful experience with intuition.

My ovary was saying stop and LISTEN. I was so focused on living within my pain body, I was not aware that there was my energy body yelling at me to listen. What I needed wasn't surgery but instead, a holistic approach. I made an immediate appointment with a naturopath and took a remedy. I feel great-no pain, bloating, emotional instability, etc. It's like they are gone. But it's not like I am cured...I am using the process to process :)

Sometimes when we hold onto something so much and we get addicted to the grip of having control, we can't let things flow through us, including trauma, emotions, negative energy, etc. What I dealing with is a block-a block within my reproductive system that needs nourishment, love, healing, and peace.

Processing the process has been truly amazing. I am energized. I am peaceful. I am present.

I am human again.

Enjoy fall-
Jen

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