A few posts back, I had just seen the movie Eat, Pray, Love," and came up with my word: Journey. Well, I embarked on writing a three part series about three journeys that have shaped me into who I am today: The Journey of Yoga, The Journey of Love, and The Journey of Blissful Livelihood. So, here I am, writing about my Journey of Love. Hahaha. Yeah right. What the hell do I know about love? Perhaps I have been avoiding this post because of how confronted I am about the whole thing. Or maybe it's because I think love is so different for every single human being and who am I to try to articulate into a blog post?
Let's start at the very beginning, which according to many, is a very good place to start. My first real boyfriend that I had was in seventh grade. It was pretty textbook. He liked me, I liked him back. Very immature. Our first kiss was at the middle school dance. He bit my lip and I bled a little. It was overwhelming on the inside. Not only was I 13 years old and going through all these massive transformations on the inside and outside, but my mom was a teacher at the school and she was informed of my playground kissing by my homeroom teacher. Yep. I was super embarrassed and mortified. Then, he broke up with me and that is when middle school started to suck.
There were a bunch of little crushes and dating thrown in there to spice things up but I really wasn't all that into the boyfriend thing. I played basketball and was your typical geek/overachiever student. 8th grade completely sucked. That was when the division happened: popular or not popular. Lunchroom politics and hallway whispering took over everybody's life. It was a he said/she said whirlwind and I wanted no place in it. I hated going to school but told myself that high school was right around the corner.
Fast forward to Fall 1999 and I was a freshman soccer player, loving the high school scene. I meet Freshman Boy. I fall for freshman boy. I fall hard. I get serious with freshman boy. Freshman boy and I date through Sophomore year. Now, sophomore me is dating sophomore boy and then sophomore boy breaks my heart and started to treat me not so good.
Fast forward now to Spring of 2003, I graduate from High School and get out of dodge. (a.k.a Maine). I move to Colorado for college and meet Alaska Boy who breaks my heart. Then I fall in love with Mountain Boy who I was in total and complete love with. We climbed and skied together, cooked delicious meals together, lived together, and then I graduated and moved to Seattle for a job. Of course, neither of us wanted to make the break when I moved, so it was super undefined. It was a half long distance special with a side of sour feelings. When I move to Seattle, I meet the Office Manager of my company I am working for and we become best friends. We do everything together and he takes care of me like a best friend would: fixes my car, helps me move, we watch movies, and go eat good food.
Fast forward to June 2008. Mountain Boy moves to Seattle. We live the Seattle life in a small one bedroom. He struggles with employment and then he gets really sick. He was hospitalized for two months and then diagnosed with chronic lyme's disease. Not good. Fast forward to December of 2009 and drama ensues. The lymes disease is so advanced, it got into his brain. He is hospitalized again and I am left alone. Mountain Boy and I break up and he moves away. I am on my own for the first time in a long time and I am scared. Ex-Office Manager/Best Friend is there for me. Fast forward to March 2010 and I am dating Ex-Office Manager/Best Friend. We are happy and in love and exploring what it means to be in a relationship with one another.
Fast forward to September 25, 2010. Ex-Office Manager/Best Friends and I are still best friends and partners. We have been dating for six months and things are great. Things are hard, but still great. We compliment the hell out of each other and laugh until it hurts. We know that our love is a journey and we take steps everyday on that path to make it matter. We know that we are in it for the long haul and it takes a village to make love work.
So, here I sit writing about this very boring linear journey of love. Although it sounds so linear and straight, my journey of love is a constant circle. I go around and around, drawing from each partnership I have had and take lessons and apply them to every relationship I have. What I can say for sure is that we all have the innate need to be connected and loved. We love to love and when we have love, we also have loss. The grief and the tears are just as important as the love, even though it sucks so bad and hurts on the inside.
I asked my man this morning the following question: "When was that moment you knew you loved me?" and he said, "When it hurt. That's when I knew I loved you." It brought tears to my eyes and I knew in that moment, I was traveling this journey with the right person.