Thursday, June 16, 2011

summer love & tears

Yesterday, I celebrated my 4 year anniversary of living in Seattle. I went to a Mariners game with my new summer camp team, enjoyed yummy pizza & beer, and laughed a lot. This week has been busy and crazy good. Summer camp starts Monday and I am super excited to be outside in the woods, at the beach, and being in my element again. Early mornings and busy days = time to enjoy the summer evenings in my garden, at the park, or grilling yummy food.

I love summer. I love the long days, the fresh food, the taste of lemonade, wearing shorts and sandals, the smell of sunscreen, and being outside under the vastness of the blue sky and hot sun. Today was one of those days that I fell in love with summer again, or at least the possibility of summer. I was on a high.

And then...

I came home and after working in my garden, I called my parents and found out my grandfather had suffered a massive heart attack this afternoon. I was stunned. I was sad. I was scared. I cried. In that moment of my dad telling me about what had happened and how they were in the hospital waiting on news from the doctor, I started to feel complete and utter paralysis starts to set in because of being so far away. That's what made me the most sad.

Pema Chodron, one of my favorite Buddhist teachers, talks about how things come together and things fall apart. We are in constant flow and flux and at the hands of the universe. We can only be responsible for ourselves and how we show up and when we show up and are scared, sad, and sometimes vulnerable, we can be gentle with ourselves and be in the experience, totally and completely.

Life can change in an instant. We all know that. It is up to us to make every moment worth it. Totally and completely.

1 comment:

Kaitlin said...

My prayers are with you and your family! I love you and I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather

love ya Kaitlin !