Friday, May 4, 2012

trouble in paradise

So what do you do when things aren't going great? When life isn't all kittens and rainbows? My advice: don't resist, flow with it. Things happen. Words are said. Fights manifest. It's life. It's those moments that teach us the most about ourselves. In those moments I catch myself saying, "I'd be better off on my own." Then, when the dust settles, I think, "Wow. I would be way worse off on my own." Who wants to be alone? Who wants to cut themselves off from rich & complex relationships where the dynamics can sometimes curl your toes but most off the time knock your socks off? I don't know a soul. It's hard, this relationship stuff. It can feel like salt water on an open wound. And deep down, I know where my hand in the matter is. Yep. I guess since I like to write, I use my words like daggers. I can be manipulative like in my fictional storytelling, guiding and directing the characters to do what I want in subtle and not so subtle ways.

The Buddhists say that relationships push you to your most highest, spiritual selves. Relationships facilitate the access of enlightenment. Huh? Right now, I would put myself on the Relationship bus, packed to the brim with a driver who had a little but too much to drink. Things are a little rough. Now, the experiential educator within me wants to bring it full circle: what can I learn and what now?

Well, #1, I am taking a much needed time out. I am in a weird mood. Maybe it's the lack of yoga or sweating or getting my ass on the meditation cushion or to my writing nook, but I am in a funky ass mood. I gotta get back to my basics, my "soul work," as they say.

#2: I gotta start communicating better. Enough said.

#3: I gotta stop blaming.

#4: I gotta start loving without judgement.

I will give an update if and when these things start happening.

Love to you all.

1 comment:

Sam said...

Very well said. I've been there, and I have no doubt you will work through it!