Tuesday, February 26, 2013

missing the oomph

Lately, I have been feeling as though I am missing the oomph. If I had to guess, it's been a mix of things: a combination of not feeling super motivated, experiencing a change in my work schedule, and not being super intentional with my scheduling around self-care and wellness. So, that is the what...now, the so what.

So in all of this, I can be forgiving. Practicing the art of acceptance and being gentle with myself has always been a struggle. Now, in the second month of the new year, 2013, the year of Blissful Velocity, I am not feeling like I am attacking life the way I started out. I have lost some of my oomph. As I wrap up the last few days of February, the shortest month of the year, I can honestly say February had some road blocks:

Reflections on the Roadblocks:
-Struggling with some health issues which caused me to spend some days resting and doing nothing else.

-I let go of my meditation practice that nourished me in January. I just didn't make the time and instead, soaked in bad tv, mindless nights on the couch and too much frozen yogurt.

-I wasn't being intentional with my schedule (i.e. getting up earlier, hitting the gym, making the time for the things that matter like my writing and my quiet time)

-My eating habits loosened up in a way I didn't feel super good about.

-I found myself snapping and being impatient with The Man more than I wanted

All that aside, there were some really awesome things about February:
-There was a lot of celebration. A wedding, a birthday party, a great Valentine's Day date, and other awesome date nights through the month. I realized how much I value the time I get to spend with The Man outside of our day to day grind.

-I kept consistent sleeping hours. I went to bed earlier during the week, sometimes as early as 10pm and it made me a much more productive human.

-I started taking walking breaks at work. Since Seattle weather has been quite mild, I have been embarking for at least 20-30 minutes daily and getting some Vitamin D. It has done wonders, especially when I have had to work late.

-February included lots of connection. My mom made her trip reservations for April, I reconnected with a wonderful friend/mentor, and hung out with friends who make me laugh.

-I stuck with my Yoga practice. I realize more and more that my yoga practice is my rock. It is my therapy, my solace, my respite from the chaos. It serves me and carries over to other areas of my life.

Looking into March:
March will be a month of newness. The weather continues to stay mild, which means more time outside, the garden is coming back to life, and there are areas of my own life I want to nourish:
-My meditation practice
-My writing
-My fitness

I am continuing to work my financial health and it feels so good. Seeing the debt reduce is exciting. The Man is a huge mentor to me around this.

I am so thankful for what February has provided. Some great lessons and some awesome memories. I am so looking forward to springing into spring.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

the pressure cooker

I preface this post by mentioning that I do not own a pressure cooker. Actually, looking back on it, I don't ever remember my mom using one in our house so what made me think of this very interesting little device? Well, to be up front with all of you, February has been tough so far. I am feeling the winter blues hit me like a ton of bricks, I miss the sunshine, all I want to do is sleep, and I have that overarching blah feeling about life.

I was in yoga on Friday night, despite the fact that I had a 30 minute debate with myself about going, and in the heart of the sun salutation sequence, between cartwheeling down into chutarunga and into upward facing dog and then into downward dog, up into warrior pose 1, my teacher said, "let the practice cook you."

Wow. This took my breath away.

Since I have been feeling like a lump of a human for a good week now, I realized in that moment that I am taking the easy way out of my life. I am letting some ickyness get the best of me and losing my momentum that I worked so hard for in January, my year of blissful velocity.

So, I came home from my morning walk today and collapsed onto the couch into a ball of tears. I was overcome with this intense homesickness and instead of pushing and getting to my to do list, I let the feelings cook me. I let myself cry, have a snotty nose, and took a nap. I gave myself the permission I needed to process what has been eating me from the inside out. Sure, most of my weekend was one of those vegging out/movie marathon weekends in sweatpants and included the guzzling of hot tea, but I realized I wasn't letting my human-ness cook me.

So, I am finally feeling a little better after all that releasing and getting a few things done but as my yoga practice continuously does, the lessons keep coming at me. Let your life cook you. It may be uncomfortable, but it is so, so, so worth it.