Sunday, February 10, 2013

the pressure cooker

I preface this post by mentioning that I do not own a pressure cooker. Actually, looking back on it, I don't ever remember my mom using one in our house so what made me think of this very interesting little device? Well, to be up front with all of you, February has been tough so far. I am feeling the winter blues hit me like a ton of bricks, I miss the sunshine, all I want to do is sleep, and I have that overarching blah feeling about life.

I was in yoga on Friday night, despite the fact that I had a 30 minute debate with myself about going, and in the heart of the sun salutation sequence, between cartwheeling down into chutarunga and into upward facing dog and then into downward dog, up into warrior pose 1, my teacher said, "let the practice cook you."

Wow. This took my breath away.

Since I have been feeling like a lump of a human for a good week now, I realized in that moment that I am taking the easy way out of my life. I am letting some ickyness get the best of me and losing my momentum that I worked so hard for in January, my year of blissful velocity.

So, I came home from my morning walk today and collapsed onto the couch into a ball of tears. I was overcome with this intense homesickness and instead of pushing and getting to my to do list, I let the feelings cook me. I let myself cry, have a snotty nose, and took a nap. I gave myself the permission I needed to process what has been eating me from the inside out. Sure, most of my weekend was one of those vegging out/movie marathon weekends in sweatpants and included the guzzling of hot tea, but I realized I wasn't letting my human-ness cook me.

So, I am finally feeling a little better after all that releasing and getting a few things done but as my yoga practice continuously does, the lessons keep coming at me. Let your life cook you. It may be uncomfortable, but it is so, so, so worth it.

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