Saturday, June 8, 2013

haircuts. i deserve it.

I can't help it. I keep coming back to the "as I get older" lessons. They say resisting isn't the way you should go when it comes to writing so...

As I get older, I am learning more and more not to put things off. Like haircuts. Today I went for a haircut for the first time in like six months. Now, come on. Have I given up on life? No. Do I not care about my appearance? Well of course I care. So what the hell is the problem? I have realized that I get caught in the trap of putting myself off because that's the easy, convenient thing to do. Well, that's not okay. It's quite inappropriate. Granted, I can't and won't speak for everyone, but I will say for myself, I tend to give out more than I take in. Let me explain.

I am a giver. A contributor. A caring person. A person who gives a damn. A person who sometimes does things to please others. Sometimes too much. Okay. I admit it. Sometimes I get quite resentful. That's not okay. It's actually quite self-destructive. The haircut is an example of something I have been putting off because I think to myself, why take the time when I could be (fill in the blank of something more important that would check something off my to do list, get me closer to completing a project, or do something for someone else). This is a pandemic. It's called martyrdom and I am giving it up.

I deserve haircuts. I deserve my Saturday/Sunday morning coffee and cinnamon roll time while watching the food network. I deserve reading my books. I deserve massages and smoothies and yoga classes. I deserve girls nights. Nobody is stopping me but myself and I have give up that racket. :)

You are probably thinking, she's on crack. She's trying to throw herself a pity party. Poor her, a life full of massages and smoothies. Why complain? Well, here is the thing. For the majority of my life, I had it flipped. I had it in the wrong order. I thought that everything else had to be done before I had the time for me. Well, it left me a mess. A pure, utter, depressed, angry mess. Now, it's shifted and there is freedom in everything experience. I have a tendency to scream "I have a great life!" at the top of my lungs while in the thick of commuter traffic. I dance in my house and sink my hands in the dirt and smile in my garden. It's all good. All is well. Everyone is loved. Because I deserve it.

I am also loving this new song by Daft Punk right now.

No comments: