Saturday, April 18, 2015

#100daysofjensmusings- Day 13: Finding Contentment Through Rest

It's the middle of April and the sun is shining. 60 degree days have been offered to all of us in Seattle. Shorts and sandals have made their appearance and lawn furniture has been dusted off. The lilacs are early this year, bringing with them their succulent scent, a reminder that summer is near. The weekends offer a nostalgic element of sleeping in, brunches that linger and leave one feeling full, and days walking around the farmer's market. A siesta on the lawn, barefoot, with a book. Starting in a chair but slowly making my way down, on my back, to connect with the earth. Arms above my head, sunglasses shielding my precious viewfinders. I let my legs rest on the chair, a halfway version of savasana. It feels good to have the cool grass on my arms. My skin soaking up the liquid gold.

This was my afternoon. 

"What should I write about today?" I asked The Man as I was totally supported by the earth, on my back, resting.

Firm in his response, he said, "Write about contentment, how to enjoy all the things you have and be okay with the things you don't." 

"I'll write about that then, " I said. I lingered for a few more minutes, enjoying the rest. The spaciousness. The nourishment I was receiving from the present moment.

A billion little explosions went off in my brain, Little mini-insights. Glitter-like enlightenment. In the moment, I was awestruck with how beautiful life really was. How it had taken me years, so many years, to learn how to rest. Of course, I still struggle with my need to overbook myself because of fear that I will be letting someone down/missing out/look bad for saying no, you name it. The idea of rest and doing nothing has been something that has eluded me. It was when I was being treated for Lyme disease that I had my ah-ha moment. Stress made the Lyme disease worse. Rest made it better. Simple equation. What I learned very fast was that if I didn't rest and take care of myself and take care of the present moment, I was left being in pain and feeling quite shitty.

My internal barometer of the business factor is much more attuned now AND I am nowhere near perfect, nor do I want to be. Living the process is way more exciting. I can approach all of it with more intention around resonance. "Ahhhh...yes, I see it happening again," and back off/readjust much faster. Yet, I still get all down on myself when I engage in the pattern again and again. Overbooking, depleting myself, neglecting self-care, etc. Is there room to remove the self-sabotage? Of course. 

Yet, what I find the most interesting is that one of the most effective ways to disengage from the self-sabotage is through rest. To get back to the contentment. To get back to abundance and nourishment. Pick the feet up. Sleep in. Schedule the massage. Hit up the yoga class. Enjoy the long brunches. Lie on the grass. Find yourself a new nourishing spot. You'll be flooded with contentment. I promise.

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