Sunday, May 3, 2015

#100daysofjensmusings- Day 28: Watching

It's Sunday, so the alarm doesn't wake me up. I wake up on my own.
It's another beautiful spring day. The sun shines through our bedroom window like a gentle nudge,
"Wake up dear! The day is here!"
My feet hit the floor. I stretch as I sit on the side of the bed.
My hands interlace behind my head and the my chest opens to the Buddha tapestry on the wall.
My heart peels the blankets off.
I look over my shoulder and see the love of my life sleeping.
A million thoughts run through my head in that nanosecond of watching him.

 I love how his face looks so soft and bright, solid and strong.
Every feature reminds me of our first kiss, the first time we went on a date-date.
His mouth and lips and chin.
Quite masculine yet embody a quality of wholeheartedness and integrity.
His hair, soft and spiky. I love running my hands through it when we watch a movie.
I chuckle softly, only because it's been a long ride. Ups and downs, peaks and valleys.
He puts up with all my quirks, my bad habits.
Not replacing the toilet paper, rinsing the dishes, or turning my socks the right way for laundry.
I love him for so many reasons.
Way more than I can count on my fingers and toes.

How he hugs me after work.
How he makes me tea and beans on toast.
How he loves to garden.
How he really, really listens. Even to the boring stuff.
We had to pick out plates and knives and a blender. Together.
We're getting married. I will be his wife in 100+ days. That scares me.
Not because I don't want to get married. I am not scared of that.

I am scared because I have never loved anybody this much for so long.
It's the fear you get when you are jumping into the deep end for the first time in swim lessons.
That kind of scared.
It's so so so deeply exciting and you know jumping into the deep end is a game changer.
You know you won't go back to the shallow end, because the deep end is wayyyyyy more fun.

I fall in love all over again and again and again.
In that moment of watching him.

Then I get up, make my tea and go on with my day.
Night time will come, morning arrives yet again.
Every morning is the same. I watch him.
I love him. So much more than the morning before.
Is it possible?
Oh yes, yes it is.
So. Damn. Possible.

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