Tuesday, May 12, 2015

#100daysofjensmusings- Day 37: Living in a 'Both-And' World

My best friend introduced me to this whole idea of living a "both-and" life. I love her for that, among many things of course, but she reignited in me a new way of looking through my life lens. I love how she always says, "I'm a both-and girl! I don't live in either/or!" Amen sister!

In so many areas of our life, we default to either/or/but.

"I can either be loving or I can set boundaries."
"I want to be in a relationship but I want to be independent."
"I want a fun wedding but it needs to be classy."
"I want to have open white space in my calendar/life, but I want to do so many things."
"I can either do chores or read my book in bed all day."
"It's either a vacation this month or not at all."

These are all traps. Traps to living boxed in, constricted, and playing small.
I have really used the 'both-and' philosophy as a practice. It's a daily thing and a mantra that I share so much with people. What do you get?
-Wholehearted living
-Compassion for self & others

There is always a cost to living in 'either/or,' and when we live like this, something must die off. There remains limited or no possibility for creating something extraordinary, like a new way of being or a new way of being with people. When I practice my 'both-and' living, you kind of get to play a wizard; inventing, creating, innovating from the cauldron of all possibilities.

"I can be loving and set boundaries in my life."
"In relationship, I am a partner and an independent woman."
"My wedding will be fun and classy."
"I want to do a little work and also have time for self-care."
"I want spaciousness in my calendar for all the things that are important to me."
"I will take a vacation and my schedule will accommodate accordingly."

Whoa...after reading those revised statements, there is so much more space around them and light. There are so many opportunities to invent again and again new opportunities for living and playing big. We can all take the opportunity to look at our own language and words and see how there may be choice points to adjust and rework and maybe, just maybe, you will find a little more freedom.

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