Saturday, May 30, 2015

#100daysofjensmusings- Day 55: Home

As much as I love being away and exploring different parts of the world, seeing family and friends, celebrating new life adventures, and getting to experience new cultures, I absolutely love coming home. When I put the key in the lock of the front door and step over the threshold, set down my bags, I take a big exhale and sigh. I breathe deeply and enjoy the smell of my own natural habitat, feel the ground on my feet, and I relax. I am safe here. Supported and held.

Planting Wedding Dahlias in raised Bed 1 of 2
About a year ago, I got really clear that my physical space means so much to me. The furniture I have, the dishes I use, the little nooks and altars I create, as well as having a simple space, not too much clutter or unnecessary stuff. We live in a very small space, so we struggle with all of it all the time. Right now, things feel a little hectic as we are growing our own flowers for our wedding and receiving gifts for the wedding. Combine that with crazy work schedules and social commitments, things slide. I am learning how to surrender in my space. If I don't get to cleaning the bathroom every week or folding laundry the day I get it out of the dryer, I can be at peace, whereas six months ago I was so attached to getting it perfect all the time. It left me drained, depleted, and resentful.

No, I operate with a new decision making framework: how important is this to me on a scale of 1-10? Take the weekends for example:

Saturday and Sunday mornings are for sleeping in, cuddling, and a yummy brunch at the table where we solve the worlds problems and plan our weekend and week ahead. I slip out of bed, make coffee & tea, cut up fruit and put the bacon in the oven. I set the table and listen to morning jazz. I pour the coffee into one of my favorite mugs. I do all of this without thinking because I am in my own home. I slowly spin around, a dance of sorts, as I pull things from the drawers and cupboards, I am home, in my space. I can let my hair down and let my flaws show. There is nothing here but love and space and love. I play in my garden, hit up a yoga class, make time for meal prep, and catch up with friends and family. Maybe there are 3-5 house things I put on the list, but they don't take me more than 2-3 hours of time. We grocery shop on Sunday nights and do some wedding planning tasks, but that's it. I have packed away the compulsive need to get everything done in two days.

Sharing a small space with someone can be challenging. It takes love, compromise, love, and more compromise. And what I have found is that it is not just about delegating. It's about acts of service from the heart. Giving yourself over to your space and putting a magical touch on it allow a sense of sacred infuse every corner, as well as your heart.

It feels oh so good to be home.

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