Monday, June 29, 2015

#100daysofjensmusings- Day 85: Just Me & My Thoughts

I took my mom to a sensory deprivation float tank this afternoon. It was her first visit, my second. I really enjoyed it the first time and then tracked down a Groupon of course so the both of us could go. One of the things I really love about going to float is the deep, dark, quiet experience. Feeling completely enveloped in the epsom salt water bath feels very womb-like. In the moments of being on my back in the warm water, I initially think about how noisy my life really is. How it's so rare to be in such silence and deprived from stimulation for a 60 minute block of time.

And then the thoughts start to weave their way in. Today, the thoughts ran wild. I got really in tune with how un-quiet my life has been the past few months. Yes, I have my personal practices that keep me grounded and feeling nourished and supported, but the silence is the juicy bit. It's in the silence that you really get to reflect on how you are showing up in the world. In my time this afternoon in the float tank, I reflected on how I haven't been showing up in the best way possible. I felt consumed with judgement, a big fat story around not good enough, and feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. But here's the thing I know about my thoughts. Just like a rainstorm, they pass on. It's not the end all, be all of who I am anymore. That ship has sailed.

Now, I can be with my thoughts, one at a time, and let them float by. Just noticing, just witnessing, because they are just there, making their micro-appearance and then leaving.

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