The past couple weeks have been a bit on the trying side. With the wedding right around the corner and transitions happening all around me, I have noticed and felt more sensitive to all of it. I have had multiple sessions of crying, sometimes deep sobbing, both at home and work, and when I try to deeply articulate what is going on, I can't seem to put my finger on it.
A few weekends ago, I co-led a retreat on Vulnerability. I taught the complimentary movement and yoga pieces and it was truly wonderful; being around eight other fabulous, intelligent and wise women, eating delicious vegetarian food, sipping tea, quiet time in the woods, and napping. Yet, I came back a little more fragile than when I arrived at the retreat. And I didn't do a fabulous job of creating ease in my transition back, hence integration started to happen and I was running my life like I had been before I left: fast and unaware.
Through the years, I have been able to navigate and embrace change a lot more easily than I used to when I was younger, yet these past few weeks, I have noticed more and more that the chaos and the difficult emotions are harder to navigate. My sensitivity has gone up and in my environments, the chaos and whirlwind type energy has also increased. Needless to say, I have spent some time reflecting as to how to go about navigating these difficult emotions and the chaos with ease, grace, and a sense of spaciousness, and here is what I am finding:
To truly listen, I have to get quiet. I can't gather myself or my thoughts with all the noise. I have recently acknowledged that noise comes from so many places; our digital lives, the reading, the DVD time on the computer, the chores, the conversations with clients and colleagues, all of it. When I get quiet, really, truly quiet, I can get access to what's truly there for me in my emotions
Support comes in many forms. I have never been one to publicly display my emotions. Vulnerability has been challenging for me and asking for support and help from others is challenging. I have made progress in this arena, especially with The Man, but I have always been one to seek support outside of people. My books, journal, and yoga mat are just a few support tools that I turn to when the storm is rough. Also, being active and sleep. My morning workouts and 7-8 hours of good sleep support the processing.
Know the rhythms. It's a wonderful thing when you know your body so well and can attune to the rhythms that work for you. I know I am more sensitive late at night, especially when trying to work on a complex task that takes brain power. Mistakes trigger me in that space more than if I was working on something during the day. This is a huge change for me and my life, because I used to be a night owl when it came to work. Now, I have to consciously shut down life at 10pm and engage in my self-care and nourishment and regroup from the day.
The importance scale. The Man taught me about the importance scale...1-10, how important is it to you? I absolutely love this. We use it daily, recently, multiple times per day. I can look at a task, a desire, an errand and evaluate super fast how important something is and in that moment, I can actively engage or let go. It's a magic tool. I love, love, love it. I use it for just about everything that is fluff: chores, stuff, wedding decisions, etc.
A big lesson in spiritual practice is that the only thing permanent is change. It's the truth. It's not about creating pristine and sterile environments void of change, but instead learning to navigate the chaos and difficult emotions with grace and ease, and hopefully a little more space can be created to tune in, be aware, and hold ourselves with tenderness and love.