Thursday, May 4, 2017

#100daysofwriting: day 31- inviting anger to the table

I've been in a long-term relationship. It's had it's ups and downs, the peaks and valleys. It has scared me silly sometimes. This relationship has destroyed things and also left me with newfound wisdom and self-awareness, deep self-compassion, and faith.

It has been my relationship with anger.

Image result for stormI have been spending some time getting to know anger more. Getting intimate with the pressure cooker feeling that arises inside of me, a feeling like I am living on a precarious edge of control and being out of control. I have experience the storm called rage, in which I am left exhausted, depleted, worn out, and feeling like a muddy puddle, confused and unclear.

There's no right or wrong in this. That's where I have arrived at in my own learning. I can feel the anger, but like any storm, it passes, and can I stay with it? Can I stay in the dark, scary, turbulent waters, knowing there is relief on the other side? Can I call in my knowledge of the Buddha's four noble truths...suffering is part of life and why we suffer is because we're attached. Ahhhh...yes. That wisdom. I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said it gets easier over time. I still feel the visceral response in my blood and veins and bones when I am angry. But now, I just invite that part to the table instead of shutting the door in her face.

Anger can coexist with tenderness. Or at least that's my learning right now. I don't have the answer, but what I know to be true in this lifetime, or at least for today, is that I am stronger because of my anger. More vulnerable because of my anger. More tender and compassionate because of my anger.

Let your anger serve you rather than destroy you. It's quite possible, especially as we hold the truth that there is room for everyone, all the feelings, and all the suffering.

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